you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
