Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Is it because I queefed?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
