his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
