i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
