My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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