So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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