I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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