I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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