farters have to be the big spoon...
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
