Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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