Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Randomize
