HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
