cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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