you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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