you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize