if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
