apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
