I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
