Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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