What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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