Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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