that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
