It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize