if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
