i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
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