He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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