Old men and throwing up are my life now.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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