WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
