I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
