I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
