Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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