Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
You can't motorboat a personality
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
