I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
