She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
My ass is underappreciated
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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