i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize