He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
