we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
