After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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