you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
