Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
