So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
