There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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