it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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