first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize
