I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
please come you make the beer taste better
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Randomize
