Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Randomize
