So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
