Heybabeimwearingurpanties
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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