just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
