The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
