Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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