I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
