I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
