Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
