All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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