i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize