Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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