apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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