Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
