You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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