I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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