He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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