woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
im having a threesome with these popsicles
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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