I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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