It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
