i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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