Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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