oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
My vagina is officially offended.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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