i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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