I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
