every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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