I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
