Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
