It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
