Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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