i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
