can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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