This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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