I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Randomize
