remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
