somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
