OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
