I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
