if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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