im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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