If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
i believe in u and ur pee
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
