how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I think my moral compass just broke
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