I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
