Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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