dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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