so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
