her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
