Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Small penises have feelings too.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Do vagina's smell?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
