I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
is wine microwaveable?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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