I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
