Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
her facebook's as public as her vagina
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize