no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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