remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
