Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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