I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
