Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
