my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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