Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
